Why I Hate People...

Someone asked me the other day why I got divorced. Still two years later the question catches me off guard. Mostly because what I want to say is NONE OF YOUR DAMN BUSINESS... but I just smile and say.... because while he is a decent guy he was not a decent husband. I figure it skirts the issue. However people press on. Why this is, I will never know. I suppose it's a fair question and one born out of innate curiosity but nevertheless it's annoying. If you've met the man I was married to, then you can readily understand why the marriage ended in divorce, if you can't figure it out... spend 10yrs with him and it'll click in.

However, the question has, and most likely always will, lead me on a path of questioning and re-evaluating this life that I've lived the past 30+ years, and the conclusions I've come to is this....

I expect a lot from people, friends, lovers, or family it doesn't rightly matter. Perhaps it's naive, or optimistic but I do. I don't put much faith, or trust into people, but when I do... I expect a lot back. Now, this is not to say I expect people to fawn over me or fill my head with mindless flattery. (though the occasional cat call is nice) But I do expect some generalized courtesies. I put up with a lot in return for my expectations. I feel that I take more than my fair share of nastiness that people need to vent out and if it falls on me so be it. I'm able to look past the present and understand that people need to vent, people need to get pissed, and people need to vent it out. I do this because I feel that it is my job as a friend to listen, and to understand. I don't get buried in the pettiness because I think I have an ability to see the bigger picture and I understand that you getting upset is only temporary and usually has nothing to do with me.

However, there comes a time when it becomes more than an occasional vent and I look around only to find myself the nearest available punching bag for someone to take advantage of. It is at this point that I have to pull back and re-evaluate the situation. If you are someone who falls in the category above of friend, lover, or family I will give you the shirt off my back, I will not however enable you to take advantage of me.

I don't understand why people are so.... brazenly stupid. Or perhaps I should say, why they think I'm so stupid. Just because I'll smile and be respectful to you, doesn't mean I don't know what you're doing. I know when you're fishing for information and checking up on me, I know when you're being fake and I know when you have ulterior motives. I don't need to call you out on it, because you're a miserable person, and you always will be, that will never change. However, please understand this... I am not as flighty as my sparkling personality, and wildly curly hair lets on.

When it comes down to it I will take a lot of crap from a lot of people but one day I will realize that no matter how much crap I take and no matter how much I try to assist... nothing will change. So it is at this point that I change....

That's where I found myself a few years ago, and unfortunately in that relationship the only way out was divorce. How you explain that to someone who is dying of curiosity I'm not entirely sure... but that's what it boils down to. I don't rightly care if you think it's a good reason, or a bad one... but it's done, so deal with it.

The fact of the matter is... I live my life and while I'll take your opinion into account, quiet honestly.... it doesn't matter. What matters is that I am ok with the life I am living and I am doing what's best for my son. Other than that... I don't care.