Epicusness

Websters Dictionary defines the word Epic as; Surpassing the ordinary especially in size or scale.


The other day I was chatting with a friend and we were discussing different people we know and their romances. I don't know where it came into the conversation but we were talking about a couple and their romance and she pronounced it as Epic.

Epic... it got me thinking. I mean, can something be epic? Is there really such a thing, or is it just the thrill of the first kiss the first date, etc etc. And if one can achieve that epic romance... can you sustain it.

The more I learn, and the more I see, the more depressed I get. I believe, and refuse to give up on the possibility of epicusness. (yeah, I totally made that word up, but it was fun) However, it seems to me that most people have given up, either because they've become jaded or are simply to cynical to have ever thought it to exist in the first place. I have experienced what I thought was epicusness before... and while it turned out to be heartburn, it was still nice while it lasted.

People ask me why I haven't dated... and they ask how I can just go about my life and not really ever consider much about it. I try to explain this, and apparently I don't do a good job but it isn't that I don't want to date, and it isn't that I don't think about it. However, the fact of the matter is... I've been through it all before. I'm 34 people.... I don't have time to go play miniature golf and spend 3hrs on the phone. (oh... wait... I do that) Actually, I did retain, perhaps even learn a few things from my first time round the dating maze.

For starters, it's not all it's cracked up to be. The dog and pony show, the awkwardness.... why? Why go through that again? Why invest time, my time, into something that statistically speaking has a 50% success rate. Hell, if I get married again I think I'm down to a 25% success rate at this point. Of course, I have a son, and I'm not about to start parading people in and out of his life... not only damaging his psyche, but putting the poor kid in danger of having to go on a double date with his own *gasp* mother. Can you imagine.... awwwwwwkwaaaard! lol

However, when I peel back the feeble excuses, the statistics, the double dating with my offspring... what I really come down to is Epicusness. I am really just biding my time until I meet a person that jolts me to the core. Someone that can actually overshadow my brief stint with epicusness, and show it for what it really was.... heartburn. And let me be clear... I want nothing more than to have something overshadow that little experience.

I'm not saying that if I meet a guy I won't go out with him, or that if the guy doesn't have thick wavy hair and look like Andre Agassi circa 1992 that I will write him off. Heck, I fully expect more heartburn, when I'm done with school I may date the dumb jock that is in his 40's and still wears his varsity jacket for the simply shallow reason.... he's cute. I am well aware that my assessment skills in the opposite sex realm suck arse, and perhaps need a little... developing. lol I have every intent of letting myself be pursed and, in the words of a friend "Getting lost in the experience of dating....."

But what I AM saying, is that you will not see me actively pursing something unless it jolts me. I know, I know, rose colored glasses... naivety, high expectations, too much pressure... call it what you will, but I still.... I STILL believe it can happen. Why? Because I'm Pollyanna? No.......

Because when you get right down to it.... why put forth the effort if it isn't a life altering, epic, experience?