Apparently... I ooze sex. I am a sex god. A sex kitten if you will. Lock up your husbands, lock up your boyfriends, heck from what I'm gathering you should probably lock up your sons, and animals too because I am a man-eater!!!! I know, I know... it's hard to believe... I can barely fathom it myself... 70lb over weight ME being a sex fiend.... but I am.
Yeah... don't believe everything you hear. In the last week I have been accused of flirting to much with someones boyfriend, flirting to much with a co-worker, and basically just being an all around whore. Nice huh? I don't get it. I really don't. I mean am I just that stupid? I haven't changed any behaviors lately... haven't started wearing my lingere outside my clothing. Haven't started going out in public in short mini skirts, sans panties. Haven't started making out in public with unknown men, haven't even been groped by a man in about 7 months. Soooo I'm not sure what I'm missing here.
Apparently if you smile, if you chit chat, if you make small talk then that is wrong. One person-- the boyfriend stealing one --- I had asked some advice about a particular situation. Do I do this, do I do that? Talk me through it. He'd been there... we've been friends for ages.... he's always offered to help, and yet somehow in asking questions I'M the bad person here. How does that work?
I think people think that because I laugh.. ALOT and because I can sit and carry on a conversation about sports, sporting events -- hunting, fishing, etc --- or general handy man stuff --heck I own my own set of power tools for pete's sake--- apparently that is threatening. Now before it was just quirky, but I think because I am getting a divorce I've somehow traversed from quirky to slutty...
I'm not sure how that transition was made. I mean... it was always my understanding to be slutty you had to be getting some, but I could be wrong. Apparently you can embrace your inner Hester Prin by just being friendly. WOMEN UNITE.... let us flaut our smiles, and let us flaunt our giggles, and watch the beastly man crumble. Or maybe it's just me... maybe because I oooooze sex apeal that it's just me that has that power.... hmmmm...
Am I that naive? I've never put the classic flirt move on anyone --the laugh and touch of the arm, the lean and squeeze, nothing like that-- not done that in a few years. Not since I met my husband. All I have done is chatted. But... because my big flabby body is soooo smoking hot apparently that means that I have ulterior motives with my chats.
UGGGGGh...
anyway I need to take my smoking hawt self outta here and go get me a man. Because you can be darn sure if I"m that hot... and that in demand that I'm going to find me somebody quick!!! All this going to the movies alone is getting pretty tiring.
I'll begin to hold classes each and every Tuesday night beginning at 8pm on how to be a sex goddess anyone interested may come. I would even say men are allowed... but then again they'd probably not be able to control themselves. Darn them.
Don't hate me because I'm beautiful!!!!!
sarcasm intended
6 comments:
I too am an over weight sex goddess but I will attend your class because knowledge is power baby. Do we need it with such tight, wide asses and flabby stretched tummy's....apparently not but it doesnt hurt to stay ahead of the game. I believe a woman who has something to say verses one who just sits there looking all doe-like and perfect is threatening. I believe that women who embrace their personalities and KNOW themselves are intimidating to both sexes and often precieved as having ulterier motives. You see its easier for them to make us the oddity then admit that they may have perky boobies, a firm cottage cheese free butt but thats about it. Underneath all that most are shallow, vain and starving (Both figuritively and literally in most cases) for attention. I'm serious I've met some HOT women but all they've ever had going for them is skinny bodies and a bad attitude. *Seriously if you stare at them for too long you'll hear crickets chirping* Anyway I guess the jist of all this is if we have to be labled slutty, man stealing whores in order to make the pretty perfect people feel better about their cricket colonies, oh well. I like me. In closing I say BRING ON THE WOBBLY BITS, I'M A MANEATER TOO!
That comment someone else left cracks me up!!! I agree that a strong woman is a threatning woman to a weaker woman! I wish you weren't having to deal with all these assholes right now!! You know what too...people who really know you know you're not out trying to f*** their man...remember, those are the people that really count. The ones who really care about you and want the best for you. You know what I mean jellybean:-)
p.s. take it as a compliment!!! they're jealous of you for a reason homie!!
Um, I'm know that I felt something when we were at Pizza Hut and you were talking to me...salad in your teeth...asking me about fishing.
My wife must have noticed to cause she asked me "what is that was about?"
"What"
"Her asking you about fishing?"
"What do you mean?"
"You are so blind! All that talk about holding the rod and touching the worm...I thought she was going to jump across the table..."
All that got me thinking - I really only fish with Mark...what could that mean and why do I get butterflies in my tummy when I watch him cast?
LOL.... you're a dork! And frankly, I've always wondered about you and Mark anyway.... I mean I have my best friends, but I never nuggle up to them in an ice shanty...
I'm just saying.
I hope you were joking about Amanda. And the salad in my teeth for that matter!
:)
uh yeah...joking...duh
wheeeewwww.... I thought she was on to me....
duh... I was joking... and what's up with the duh? you in 8th grade again??? :)
Post a Comment