Ok, I think I've discovered one thing about church that makes me more uncomfortable than the whole hugging thing..... It's communion. I mean you would think that come the first Sunday of the month I'd clue in and just skip that day but I don't I inevitably show up and then find myself either a) sneaking out to the bathroom while communion is going on, or b) waving the plate by and having heads whip around and give me the horrified... you're not having communion, look.
It's not that I don't like communion... It's not like I've never done communion. I just think, in my most humble opinion of course, that it's a very serious thing. I was always taught in school, home, and anywhere else that it's something that you don't do lightly and you are to spend the "Prayer" time before hand searching your heart, getting right with God, etc etc.
So my issue here is two fold... 1st off getting right with God before communion... I mean really? Something about that seems rather insincere.... Oh god... please forgive me, I've been a bad girl, Ok, thanks for the crackers? It just doesn't work. Not in my head anyway. And 2nd... when do you know you're right enough to partake. Ya know? I mean who's the judge of that. Who says... Ok... you're forgiven and ummm... yeah... go ahead and have a cracker and there will be no hell and damnation to follow this time around.
I just don't like it. I don't. I don't think that I need a ceremony to remind me that I'm supposed to be living for God. However, I think the Bible makes it pretty clear that it is something we are to do... soooooo that leads me to believe that it's to be taken pretty darn seriously. Meanwhile, judging from that verse in Corinthians it's my guess if you eat and drink unworthily you eat and drink... what is it... damnation unto yourself. yeah... so that's not tops on my list of things to do. I know that I'm a sinner, and I know that I do things that are not right. We all do. And there are some things that I just can't bring myself to say "Gee God I'm sorry for doing this" just so that I can have communion because I know that a) I'm not exactly sorry, and b) even if I am sorry I won't stop.
So all this leads me to believe that I am unworthy of such a ritual. And yes, I think the ushers may wonder about me... I think the people that sit behind me may raise and eyebrow or two, but when it comes to God I may not get it all, I may not even like it all, but even in all my daftness I know that it's not something to fool around with or be peer pressured into.
So I don't take communion, and I don't pray to be forgiven for everything I've done in the 30seconds before communion starts. I'm not sure if I'm right, or I'm wrong, but I don't. I will say this however... when I DO take communion, when I DO actually sit there when the process begins, you can rest assured that I am serious, and I am not doing it as a ritual. Until that time though... I think I'm just going to head out to the hallway.
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4 comments:
Ummm, I think you are overthinking this. I didn't even know you were in church today, let alone, not taking Communion.
I also think you might have your theology, or at least understanding of Corinthians, off a bit also, but that could just be your Fundy upbringing.
And this type of thing my dear is exactly why I love you...you think just like me!
Julia, WTF?
Just because you haven't talked to or seen me in about 20 years, you can't take two seconds and say in your last comment..."Hi Jay. I saw in a picture that you are going bald" or "Wow Jay, you have put on weight!" Nothing...it hurts. I am still that cool guy from camp, but now I have kids and a house payment.
I'm assuming this is the Julia that is related to Steph...if it isn't, then...Hi, I'm Jay, Steph's friend who gets insecure when people he knows ignore him. Nice to meet you.
Btw, steph. I DID notice that you were in church, but I didn't get a chance to talk to you because you were with your new hospital and nurse buddies...*sigh*
Ok, can I just say Wow, like I'm supposed to know that rodmaster is Jay from camp all those years ago. Okay, I'll give you credit for remembering me, but I did make it easy for you by using my real name. So, Hey Jay, how's it going? How's life been treating you since camp all those years ago? (Wow, it really has been like 20 years hasn't it, Yikes, I'm old...)
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