Ok....

Feel free to skip this, but this is the final result of the sex paper. Now, if I quoted you from the survey, don't worry... I can't tell who you are, and no one else can either. (Even if you think they can) Thank you to all who responded to the survey!!! I could of wrote an entire paper, just based on those results. I kind of kept my own personal thoughts and experiences out of the paper, cuz I was supposed to be "researching" and well... My mind was already made up. However it was sooo cool to hear what you all had to say. Some of you surprised me, some didn't. Overall I was just geeked to know I wasn't crazy. Ask me sometime on my real thoughts and I'll fill ya in. :) I just didn't want to write down my experience for my teacher to read. Somehow him knowing all about my thoughts on sex, sitting there, him reading it at his house, late at night while grading papers just didn't sit well with me! lol. That's why I never said "In my experience...."

Ok... so here ya go. Sorry it's so long, but I couldn't find a way to link it. (Oh and sorry if you're disappointed in my conclusions, or if you feel it has a bias, but it is what it is. love me or hate me) :)

English Comp II
Keith Gave
I Search Paper
October 23, 2007
APA-Style
Let’s Talk About Sex

I spent most of my formative years in private schools. The schools were always religious in nature and spent much of their time educating us not in basic academics, but more in religion. I enjoyed my time at these schools and came away with a very healthy view of religion, although my view of the outside world that was somewhat askew.

One of the items that seemed to be reinforced on a daily basis, especially in junior high, was abstinence-based education. We were encouraged to take a purity vow, wear purity rings, and embrace this lifestyle. While I agreed with this lifestyle as a young person and still think it has value, I have often wondered what, if any, value abstinence-based education has in this day and age.

There have been many theories and arguments in the courts regarding what would constitute a proper sex education. Many people even argue whether any form of sex education should even be taught in schools. Our current president, George W. Bush, supports an abstinence-based education and even supported federal funding for the teaching of abstinence in our schools.

The questions that I am seeking an answer to are: is an abstinence-based education program more detrimental to a child, rather than a comprehensive sex education-based program; and how can I best prepare myself to raise my own child under these circumstances?

To begin my quest for information, I decided to turn to the Internet. My favorite research tool is Google, so I began by typing in “Abstinence Education” and seeing what resulted from it. Of course, there were many articles that came up and I began to peruse them. Some articles supported abstinence-based education and others did not. I found several articles that were of interest. One in particular was on the effectiveness of abstinence-based education. However, upon closer reading I began to feel that the article had a significant bias.

I also decided to utilize the Kirtland Community College Library Web site and use its infotrac catalog system. I searched several ways using keywords, Abstinence education, sex education and success rates. I found it interesting in most articles to find that 60 percent of people who take a purity pledge usually end up breaking their pledge within three years. 2

An educational, albeit disturbing, article that I read was from Glamour Magazine. The article focused on “purity balls” and the ceremony that went along with purity balls. In essence, a daughter will attend these dinners with her father and partake in a ceremony in which she gives the key to her heart to her father. The father will then hold onto that key until she is married. When she marries, the father will then give the key to her husband. The writer brings up a good point in her observation, “In essence the fathers are asking their daughters to pledge to remain eleven forever.” 1

In some ways, I agreed completely with the writer, though I can’t fault a father for wanting to spend time with his daughter and letting her know she’s special. However, others in this particular article were speaking about how they planned to not only remain chaste until their wedding day, but to not even kiss their significant other until that day. While I’ve known people who have lived this way, it still disturbs me because it almost seems they are putting a cloud of shame over almost any type of sexual desire, which I just can not fathom as being healthy.

I decided to take an informal survey of my friends. I have friends from a variety of backgrounds, friends that were raised in highly permissive backgrounds and highly conservative backgrounds. My next step was to develop a survey for them to take.
I searched the Internet to find a free survey site that would meet my needs. Once I found a site I liked, I sat down and started to develop questions. I came up with 16 questions for my survey and posted it online. Once it was posted I notified all my friends, via my personal blog, my email accounts, myspace and instant messaging systems. I wanted as much feedback as possible.

It was interesting to notice that within the first thirty minutes of notifying my friends of my online survey I had three people respond. I checked back throughout the weekend and ended with twenty-four respondents. Apparently, my friends have no problems talking about sex anonymously. I found some interesting responses to my questions. A common thread in regards to the questions I posed about purity vows were the words “forced”, “coerced”, “dragged” or “peer pressured.” I found it interesting that of the eight respondents who made a purity vow, only one claims to have made it without any outside influence, while the others felt they were pressured into making the vow. I also found that of the eight that verified they had taken some sort of purity vow, only one person stated that they kept that vow until they were married. Most of the respondents were interestingly enough, right on track with the national average stating that their purity vow or pledge was broken between three and four years after the vow was made. 3

One respondent told the story of how they were taken to a purity ball because they were dating and their parents “drug” them to the ball once they began dating. Once there, everyone in attendance was asked to sign a card stating that they would remain abstinent until marriage and asked to drop the card in a basket by the door before they left. This person stated that they signed the card simply because there were people stationed at the exits, waiting to collect the cards and if you did not turn in a card they would pull you aside and question you as to why you did not return a card. 3

One person in particular in my survey intrigued me. This was a completely anonymous survey, but because they were one of the first to respond I could tell that all their answers were either the third or fourth responses listed. This person stated that they wished that they could go back and change their mind set so that they did not believe they “had” to marry the person with whom they first had sex. They also stated at one point that “unfortunately” they were “still married.” That struck a chord with me, because I know so many people from my background who were raised in a conservative way and married not out of love, but out of guilt. And the unfortunate part of all of this is that some of them stay married, not out of happiness and not out of love, but out of guilt. That is where I began to question the detrimental effects of an abstinence-only education. 3

What I gathered overall from my survey was that most people agree that the option to remain abstinent should be taught to our children, even in schools. However, the overwhelming majority feel that abstinence-based education should not be the only form of education. The majority of my respondents felt that a comprehensive sex-education program should also be taught to our children, specifically dealing with the use of condoms and the risk of STD’s. 3

Another point that I found interesting was that most of the people who stated that their parents were open and frank in their discussions about sex seemed to wait longer to have sex. They were appreciative of their parents for being so open about sex and felt that it took away the mystery of the act. Therefore, they didn’t feel the need to rush into a physical relationship. 3
My next course of research was to interview a friend who volunteered her time. She explained to me that her mother was very open and very frank about sex. She also stated she was one of the few people in her school who did not end up pregnant before graduating high school and believes that her mother’s openness was a big part of that. She explained to me that once she started dating her mother took her to be put on birth control, and made clear to her that this was not saying, “Go ahead, have sex,” but it was more of a safeguard. My friend said she appreciated the openness of her mother and her willingness to look out for her best interest, even though the topic was uncomfortable. 6

One of the resources I found had an eighteen month study following all fifty states regarding sex-education in our schools. I was surprised to learn that, according to this source, no published evaluations exist that examine the affects of any abstinence-based education programs and the effects of those programs on sexual behavior. I found this rather intriguing considering that there if federal funding going into these programs, however, as of the publishing date in 2006 there was no follow up research done. 2

I have found this topic very educational and beneficial for me to research. Coming from a very restrictive background and going on my own experiences, I have always felt I would not want to raise a child in the same environment as I was raised. I think that educating our children about sex is a serious responsibility and should ultimately be handled by the parents. However, it seems that in this day and age it is increasingly difficult to find parents that take a pro-active approach when talking about sex. A person I interviewed brought up an interesting point in when they said, “Sex is the one thing parents forget to talk to their kids about. They’re so concerned about drinking, smoking and drugs, they forget to talk about sex and that is possibly one of the most important topics.” I would have to say I agree. 3

From this research paper I learned that when educating my child about sex, I need to be open, honest and available for him to talk to. It is best to tell him all of the options that lie before him including abstinence. In my research, I have realized that an abstinence-based education, when handled correctly, is not detrimental to a child, as I originally thought. However, abstinence needs to be presented as an option, not as a command. After all, I do not want my son to feel he needs to marry a person just because he had sex with them. Because I believe, marring someone simply because you had sex with them would be far more detrimental than the discomfort he or I would feel in discussing the topic.