I was chatting with a friend today, and I didn't have any answers for her. Which, as you all know, it is very rare for me not to have answers. lol. We were chatting about life, and God, and all things that children raised in a fundamentalist background get stuck chatting about years later. My friend... she's lived a hard life. We were raised in the same exact background, same schools, same everything, but we chose different paths, and she was full tilt on the rebel path. I loved her for her spirit, but there was no way I was going to run that far with her. Anyway she's going through a rough patch, nothing major, just questioning life, and while I am not the one to be coming to for answers, we were chatting and she was venting it out. And it was interesting because she was saying some of the very things that I thought and do think about over and over again.
My friend was saying I don't get it. I don't know what to do, and I just don't get it. I watch people, like my parents who did EVERYTHING they were supposed to. My parents used to make me take tracts to school and pass them out, I had to carry my Bible to school with me. (She was sent to the public school in 9th grade) I was forced to wear skirts all through high school. And she said, you've never seen two people who prayed more, and were at church more than my parents. And look at them. They're miserable. My dad cheated on my mom, I ended up disappointing them, and my brother killed himself. And yet my mom still says "If only I would of prayed harder, I would of been able to save your brother, and helped you turn out better." And, my friend continued, she honestly believes that. And then I look at people who didn't do anything they were supposed to and somehow they've ended up happier and more content with their lives, and I don't get it. I don't know, am I supposed to know what to do at this moment, or is it because I have such a lack of faith that I can't see what I'm supposed to do. Or is it that I'm so backslidden that God has turned his back on me and I can't see it.
I hated listening to her. Mostly because I ached for her. And I felt for her. But also because it kills me when I hear people I grew up with talking like this. I'm not sure if it's a result of our upbringing, or just part of the process of growing up, but I honestly think that religion, and churches do more harm than good. Yes there are good churches out there. I think I found one. But it is odd. It's odd that some of the most dysfunctional people I know, are people that I went to a strict Baptist school with. My friends parents burt all of her possessions when she was in high school becuase they found out she had done the ultimate sin... premarital sex. Seriously, they BURNT her things. EVERYTHING. Then kicked her out of the house. And while it's easy to say that her parents were crazy. The sad thing is, when looking at the religious background, it actually seems... normal. I mean they honestly thought they were doing what was good, and right, and best for thier child. It's odd that some of the biggest pedophiles, biggest child abusers, the biggest drug users, and the biggest cheaters, are people that are so heavily involved in the church.
Do you think that it's because Satan just works to attack churches, to make people less credible? Do you think that church actually fosters this kind of crazy "out there" mindset where we burn all of our kids posessions cuz they're having sex, because ultimately we just nod and do what the nice preacher tells us? Or do you think that we, in the church, bring it on ourselves? Do we enable people to behave this way, because we can't turn anyone away? Is church actually a haven for some of these people? Come in, come up with a sob story, and while you're giving me the sob story in the end we find out you're screw somebodies wife the whole time? And if we are a safe haven, if we are enabling such behavior... how do we stop it?
The other question is....
Why is it that what she says strikes such a cord? Why is it that the people who seem to obey all the rules, ultimately end up screwed in the long run? Is it because while they're so busy trying to do what's right, they loose sight of reality? Or is it the guilt? Why is it that religion is sooooo based on guilt. I almost feel like half of the places that I was put in school were borderline cultish. And I hate saying that because I have GREAT memories in those places. But when I look at the way that the majority of the people in those schools turned out, and how it affected all of us... years later... I'm just amazed. Because if I didn't know better... I would say CULT. lol.
I don't know. I don't have the answer, but these are the things that run through my head. And this is the only conclusion I can come to. I hope, I HOPE that my son questions everything about religion and God, and all that goes with it. I hope he questions it, and wonders, and gets into lengthy discussions, and finds the answer he's looking for. And if it's not the same view of God as me, I hope I am smart enough to be ok with that. Because my conclusion is, it's better to search the world out, and make a ton of mistakes, and find your way then to be a "yes" man. It's better for my son to live a lifestyle that I don't approve of, and learn a lesson the hard way, then for him to just shake his head and believe in God because I told him too. Because when he's working things out, and working through things, it's him making it his. Making religion, and God, and all that goes with it... he's making it his own, and finding out what he believes and why he believes it.
And that's not all bad.
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7 comments:
This is all something I've always been interested in. It feels like there's a very thin line between Christian and crazy. I knew a lot of kids when I was growing up who were SO restricted. People think I was sheltered, but I know kids who couldn't do anything, really. And unfortunately I don't know what happened to them but I'd be curious to see if they turned out normal or completely off. Because with crazy religious parents, you never know what will happen.
The problem is not with Christianity as a whole, but with the off center philosophy that can come with it.
The number of people who follow Christ and bomb are great, but the number of people who follow Christ and are loving life is great too. The reason why it seems that "everyone" has bombed is because of the philosophy behind how they are raised. They were told that if you do this, then you will be ok. Read your Bible, hand out tracts, tithe, serve, serve, serve...
It's not true. Joel Olsteen is wrong when he says that God wants us to be successful (he is talking basically rich). God calls us to take up our cross follow him. He promises to never leave us or forsake use, but he never promises that we won't be poor, unhealthy, or have bad things happen to us. Nor does he promise to protect us from the consequences of unwise or stupid choices.
Your friend's parents didn't get it. A relationship with Christ is not about what you DO, but what you ARE. The doing will come, if what you are is correct. It breaks my heart to see the damage that fundamental churches have done in the name of following Christ and doing what is right. And while I don't want to go on about that, that is what my blog is for, I have seen time and again, church members following the EASY path of following a man or pattern (long skirts(w)/short hair(m)) and forget Christ. The result is often disillusionment, because they can't figure out why church and Christianity isn't working out.
I have come to the conclusion that the best way to influence my girls is to pattern what I say I believe and have them see me living out it out. Then, I can invite them along with me on that path. I can't force them by words or actions down that path.
Though, I would like to do a little burning of possession. They have way too much stuff. It is silly how many toys I have in my storage unit...err...garage.
We give answers by our lives.
So then the question to both of you is
Do you think churches actively foster that off center philosophy that comes with Christianity?
I almost think that no matter what the church, or what slice of the religious pie you are from, there is always going to be someone right next to you who subscribes to the off center philosophy, and usually they are screaming the loudest, and getting the most attention.
Maybe it's our job to be louder.....
I am good at being loud! ;)
Do you think churches actively foster that off center philosophy that comes with Christianity?
It depends. The church I attend, and have attended my entire life, definitely does not. However, 2 of the 3 private schools I attended definitely did, at least in my opinion.
I say this because I have had friends at church who are a little more "extreme" than I am and whose parents are a little more "radical" than I would consider necessary, but they were by no means quite as extreme as the majority of the people I went to my first 2 schools with.
I'm sure there are churches out there that do encourage that "off center philosophy" but I haven't attended one yet.
No, I don't think they actively foster the results of their philosophy(works make everything alright), but because of the "system" the philosophy sets up, that is the end result. They honestly believe that how they do it is the way it should be done and know no other way.
Now, with that said, I can't completely throw my KJVO Hyles Fundy buddies out. They are sharing the Gospel, they are helping people, and they are doing great things. It's that they often do alot of peripheral damage by what they are creating. However, they are sincere in their service.
I wouldn't mine having a little of their zeal again.
I guess that's the part that gets me.... They DO, they DO think that what they're doing is right. They ARE sincere, and it kinds blows my mind. Please understand I'm not condeming them, or saying they do no good. NOT AT ALL. I understand that for some people that line of reasoning works. It would just seem that logically you would notice the damage that's on the sidelines.....
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