Out With The Old....

**I've been working on this for a while, (about a week now) but it's just not coming out the way it should. So do with it what you will....**

When I think I about 2007 it will always be very dark for me. I hate to say that because a lot of good has come over the last year, and I'll get to that, but 2007, was.... not my best. Maybe I should refer to it as the-year-I-survived. I have been through dark periods in my life, but I don't think I've ever hit one as gut wrenching as the last year/year and a half.

On the up side though, I have learned so much over the last year. I learned who my real friends were. Friends, who accepted and loved me no matter what was being said about me, or what I was going through. And that is a bright spot in 2007. I feel that the friends I have now, are friends that will be with me forever. They are the truest, sweetest, most caring people in the world and I am so fortunate to have each and every one of you in my life. Each of you serve a different purpose, and you have helped me more than you will ever know. There were days I couldn't bring myself to get out of bed, stop crying, or even put together a coherent sentence, but you were there. You were there, and you didn't tell me to suck it up, you didn't tell me to deal, you just let me work through it, and I love you for it.

There are friends that I found in 2007 that I forgot I had. I have reconnected with more people this last year, than I have in the last 10. People from elementary school, high school, college... and the thing is.... I can't imagine my life without these people in it, and the more time I spend with them, or talk to them... the more I hate myself for letting them go in the first place. lol. Especially over the last 2 months I have thought on more than one occasion... Wow.... I have really missed this person. I mean, I have spent 2hrs on the phone with a friend from 1st grade, and I havent' done that in a long time. And the thing is... we picked up right where we left off. And to each of you that I reconnected with I am so thankful to have you back in my life.. for all the reasons above, but also for the simple fact that you help me remember who I am. Who I was when we were first friends, and who I am beginning to become again.

There are friends that I lost this year too. Not as in, we're not friends, but as in we just don't talk anymore, and... that's a low point of 2007. Because as previously stated, each friend of mine (and former spouse) serves a purpose, and I care about my friends deeply, and when one moves on.... it's sad. It's the circle of life, but it's sad none the less.

I rediscovered my family this year. Weird I know. But I did. Love 'em or hate 'em they're family. But my family really stepped up this year when I needed it, and supported me in ways that I didn't really expect, and I'm thankful for that. I'm thankful because I think it deepened our relationships, and drew me closer to them. Nothing like a personal crisis to remind you how great your family is, right? lol. Again... a bright spot in 2007.

I think 2007 showed me what I was made of too. I know there are many of you who like to remind me that I need to grow a set... but when I look back.... (and I know when you look back too) I DID grow a set in 2007. Maybe they're not fully developed... but they're there and I like them. (Huh... that sounded a bit dirty didn't it) lol. Point is... I manged to stand up for myself this year, and do things that I never thought I could or would. Exhibit A... 93.92% in Algebra. Something that I thought I could NEVER do, and not only did I do it... I did it well. Ok... that didn't have to do with getting a set of balls, but it DOES have to do with finding out what I'm made of... follow?

I also set foot in a church in 2007... and that was a big thing. But more importantly I found myself liking church. And that wasn't supposed to happen. As stated before... I'm not about to say "I'm there" and life is good, when it comes to this God thing. I'm not even sure where "There" is, but in attending this particular church I can tell you.... "I'm on my way." I'm not sure where I'm headed, but I'm on my way, and that feels very good.

I'm looking forward to 2008. I feel like 2007 made me rediscover who I am, and I am anxious to see what 2008 brings. (sort of... I'm a little leery.... I mean once you get thrown off a horse, you can get back on... but you're still leery....) I feel like I just waded through this sea of muck, and that I have finally reached the other side. I'm tired, but I'm ready.

Ya know... when I look at all the good that has come from 2007.... it makes me wonder.... maybe it wasn't that bad. Maybe curling up under the covers and bawling for days on end... maybe it wasn't that bad. Maybe that was the path that I had to take to be a better me. Maybe it all had to happen to show me who my friends are, to make me reconnect with old ones, to make me remember my family, and to get me back to church. And if I had to go through all the crap of the last few years just to get me to today..... it was worth it. It was worth it because, I can't explain it, but I am a better me than I have ever been... and that.... is a good thing.

The point is... if I can survive 2007, and have so much good come from so much bad, then all I have to say is BRING ON 2008.... because my resolution is to have the best year ever. Heck, I made it through January 1st without crying, so you know it's already started out better than last year! lol.