The way I dreamed parenting would be....
Sweet little girl... lots of ruffles.... piggy tails and braids, PINK... lots and lots of pink. Imparting my infinite wisdom in the ways of the world --not academically, that was to be left to the father-- lots of deep conversations over why the sky is blue, and a uncanny understanding from my child of why veggies really are better than chocolate. A model of obedience who understands when to talk and when not to talk, one who NEVER talks back and is the picture of perfection....
Reality
Me- here son, take this money and put it in your backpack for church today
Son-- wow.... is this a million dollars?
Me- yup (Yeah, I lied... HEY don't JUDGE me!!!) :)
Son- but I don't want to give my dollars to Jesus... I like my dollars
Me- Well... it's ok, this is for Jesus, we have some for bills, and some for us. You have the stuff in your piggy bank... that's for you.
Son- will Jesus give me this money back?
Me- well.... technically.... yes (after all joyfull giving returning 10 fold??? I don't know... I think I slept through that class)
Son- *humpf* I"m mad at Jesus cuz he wants to take my money.
Me- Well techincally it's all Jesus' money to begin with.....
Son- Well... not the money in my piggy bank THAT'S MINE!
Me-- **muttering under my breath** Parenting faliure number 2,300,450.5
Reality Check Number Two
Son-- Momma... aren't you going to eat?
Me-- No honey... Mom's too full. I'll eat later tonight at Aunt Jeanne's.
Son-- But Momma... you NEEEED to eat... You neeeed to eat so your butt will get bigger like hers. (as he points to some lady making a trip to the buffet)
**sigh** I guess it's a compliment that he thought mine was smaller... right????
Stone Cold Reality Check Number Three
Son- Momma... Mommaa... commmmmme heeeeeeeerrrrrreeeeee look at my penis! (Ok so I taught him to use the REAL words, because it cracked me up when he was 2 saying I have PEE in my PENIS momma... I have to go Potty!!! So I'm a bad mom... DEAL!)
Me- *thinking* uhhohhh he's peed everywhere again.... as I run to the bathroom
Son- Look mom... it's bigger! Isn't it cool???
Me- Uhhhh.... son..... I don't.... uhhh... yeah, cool. Now cover it up and get your jammies on.
And thus begins my sons fascination with his male member.... *sigh**
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
I told you it would come back to bite you that you were teaching him those words ie penis vagina boobies!!! YOUR A SICK WOMAN. and for the record maybe you should STOP telling him his dad is STEVE YZERMAN! :)
again, cracks me up!!! He's a smart little dude too!
Post a Comment